[Long and lazy strokes move across the skin of Rafa's back as he relaxes with him. The patterns on his skin are enough that Lestat is actually considering having a nap on the spot. Or at least he would were it not for the fact that his lover starts to speak to him.
Opening his eyes, he looks over at him, curious to know what he could ask about his books. The possibilities start rolling through his mind in lists until finally he stops when he hears what the actual question is.
Why is he not with Armand?
That's not at all what he's been expecting to hear and the surprise shows on his face as he shifts to be able to look at Rafa more easily.]
Now where did such a question come from? What brought about this curiosity?
[ Rafa looks up at him, clear-faced and genuine. His hand moves up to settle on Lestat's chest, and he curls a little closer.
Is this going to be easier than talking to Armand? He really doubts it, considering how many centuries they've apparently played this game with each other. ]
You love him.
[ He says it simply, and without asking if it's true because he knows that it is. ]
Yet you are not with him, not at home, and not here in this place. Even though he loves you as well, and told me so himself.
So why? With me you held nothing back, yet with him...
Of course I love him. And I know he's in love with me. He's even recently started following me again now that we're on better terms again.
[It's said so simply. Like it's the most obvious fact in the world. Then again, why wouldn't it be to Lestat who has lived this for a couple of centuries now?]
Really I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him, much like when I fell for you. However, you have always been true to yourself.
[Lestat actually shrugs in the most human was possible and then shifts so he can rest one of his arms behind his head.]
Perhaps if I ever saw him not trying to figure out what act to wear around me to get my attention I'd change my mind.
[It's not the kindest thing to say but really Lestat is only rarely a kind person.]
[ Oh, well as it turns out, it's a lot easier than talking to Armand. At least Lestat doesn't deny what's as plain as day. Somewhat relieved, Rafa tucks his head back in against his chest, and resumes the patterns he'd been tracing with his hand.
He'd said almost the same thing to Armand himself. Lestat had never rejected him, he just didn't want to tell him who he should be.
He smiles, and presses a kiss against his chest. ]
He thinks you do not love him.
[ More than that. He's absolutely convinced about it. Frustratingly so. ]
In fact he thinks you are not interested, even though you talk about him all the time in those books. I think he is acting because he does not know what you want, and does not think that he would be enough. I think he does not value himself very much.
[ Rafa knows something of how that feels. If he were a kinder person, he would want to help Armand because he empathises with him, because he recognises some of those insecurities within himself.
Instead he wants to help Lestat, because being with Armand would make him happy, and Rafa wants to see him happy.
He turns his head, letting him catch a better hit of the scent rising from Lestat's skin. A strong part of him is afraid that he will lose these moments if he pushes Lestat towards Armand. He tries not to think about it. That Lestat has what he wants is more important than that. ]
[Lestat's cologne of choice is there on his skin still, mixed with their sexual act. After all, his own body naturally doesn't have any scent to it to make him more of the perfect predator. It's why he loves to wear cologne so much honestly. As much as he loves to be the perfect predator, he loves to be one while blending in with the world also. Even as he stands out so strongly.]
Do I mention him that often? How interesting.
[He's truly never noticed. He writes what he feels and apparently what he's been feeling involves Armand. Fascinating.
But he just pulls Rafa to be more on top of him, arms wrapping around him as he does. A smile curls those devilishly pouty lips as he cocks his head to the side a bit.]
Of course Armand doesn't. I think the only one who thinks all the world is against on a grander scale is Louis. At least Armand can appreciate things. But he also gets so lost in thinking that the universe is out to destroy everything good for him. I imagine he'd laugh in that bitter way of his if you were to tell him I love him.
[ Rafa moves easily on top of him, and drapes there, legs moving easily to tangle with his, and hands resting across his chest. With a smile, he leans forward to press a kiss to Lestat's full lips.
He loves those lips. Only minutes ago they were on his body, and he is imagining them there again. He reaches up to run his fingers through part of Lestat's hair, playing with it. ]
When you are lonely, or afraid, or angry, you often think of him. Even when you know your attention should be elsewhere.
[ He looks up with half a smile. ]
Yet somehow he has read these words and is convinced all the same. I did tell him. I asked him why he was not with you, and his answer was that you do not want him. He thought me a foolish romantic.
[ He sighs, and curls his fingers around Lestat's hair. ]
I want you to have everything that you want. Tell him how you feel, show him it is true, and he'll never leave you. I know it.
[As he listens, he watches Rafa. There's almost an acceptance to the way his lover says those words. It's a curious thing and he watches him a moment or so before his fingers come to brush over his cheek.]
And if he does have me then what will you do? Will you release me to him?
[Which won't happen. Armand knows him well enough by now that he'd be aware Lestat loves too freely and too many. He would never simply leave Rafa and Ignacio.
But somehow...he has a feeling that Rafa isn't aware of this fact. And he wants to confirm to him what the truth of this matter is before the continue on with this little adventure into the world involving Armand.]
[ Rafa looks sharply up, and then carefully away. He can't make this about him. He can't let his own feelings get in the way of what's best for Lestat. He leans his head down, chin on Lestat's chest, and gently he tilts his head towards his hand. ]
I will do what makes you happy.
[ He says, carefully. No expectations, no requirements. What he wants doesn't matter. ]
If that means being only with him, then I will still want you to be happy, my love.
[Very suddenly Lestat has rolled them over so that way he is on top of Rafa to look down at him. His hands catch Rafa's to thread their fingers together as he pins him down. Blond hair hands in his face and he looks very much like the predator he is.
And yet, that's all he does. He just looks down at his pretty lover.]
Oh do stop that. I am the Brat Prince and I demand that I have all that I desire. Even if Armand and I were to finally come together he would have to live with the fact that I refuse to give you or Ignacio up. Because I am in love with you both. So it does matter, you pretty fool. It matters to me that you want me and will cling to me to keep me.
[ Rafa's breath catches. He looks up into intense blue eyes and feels blond curls brushing his cheeks. He catches his hand to hold it, and he looks up, eyes fixing on Lestat.
It's rare that anyone gives him that sort of affirmation. Comparatively rare, anyway. Ignacio has been very clear about his feelings here. Before him, Rafa was alone for more than two hundred years. Relationships burned out quickly, and the person that he does love most of all does not return it. He wasn't used to being wanted in a serious way, not at home. Not before this place brought him Ignacio.
And now Lestat, which beggars belief. How could there be two who feel that way?
At first he doesn't know what to say. Then he closes his eyes and presses up to turn that nip into a kiss, an insistent one.
Cling to me, he'd said. Keep me.
Rafa moves his other hand up around Lestat's neck and pulls him close. ]
I want you every day. You know I do. Everything you do delights me. Everything that I read in those books. You are all that I thought you were and more, you are perfect.
And I am yours, already. If you want both of us, all of us, everyone, then that is what you should have.
[Lestat lets himself be drawn in and releases his hand so he can use both of his to cup Rafa's face. Laying down on top of him, he presses kisses along his jaw and cheek. Just so that way he can keep talking as he does, so he can hear Rafa's replies.]
That's better. I adore hearing what you want and desire. Perhaps you will never be as greedy as I am but the tastes I get are delicious in such a delightful way.
[Lifting his head, he looks down at him again, pushing his fingers through that dark hair.]
Now, tell me more about this talk with Armand. I want to hear about it.
[ Those kisses are very distracting. Rafa's thoughts are already making ready to flee again thanks to the way he'd been pinned to the bed, and those kisses are making it more tempting.
He looks up, humming with pleasure, and then he smiles. He chases Lestat's lips with his own kisses, trailing them along his jaw and up to his ear. He tugs at it with his teeth and then falls back, hair splaying over the pillow. ]
I am greedy enough to want. Receiving is less common. Or it was, before Ignacio, and you.
[ He turns his head to kiss Lestat's wrist. ]
I asked him why he did not love you, when you loved him so much. He did not believe that you did; he thought your words were mockery, and he takes the times you have insulted him to heart, believing only that and not the rest.
Do you know this as well?
[ He moves his hand to Lestat's cheek, setting it against his jaw and running his thumb along it. ]
Oh is that all? Good God, he does go on about that.
[So yes. Clearly Lestat knows about that little habit of Armand's.]
I know because Armand has a habit of following and watching without seeing. I personally like to think that I'm open to many truths. Oh I may hate a good deal of them but at least I really see them.
[Lestat sighs, starting to trace the lines of Rafa's face.]
He'll likely think I'm mocking him yet again should I ever actually decide to make him mine. All because I apparently ruined his life even if I personally think I improved it.
[ Rafa sighs, drawn in by soft hands and gentle touches. Liking his current position, he lets his hand skirt over Lestat's back to make a tracery over his taut, broad shoulders, and his back arches eagerly up to press their bodies together. ]
You mean because you decried that awful cult?
[ He remembers. The thought of it had horrified him. Imagine living in a graveyard, especially one that smells as bad as Les Innocents. Rafa knows that smell. All of Paris had carried some hint of it, and that was bad enough without actually going into the place. Lestat had done them all a favour.
Turning his face, he presses kisses to Lestat's neck, running them along his throat. ]
He is convinced you have rejected him. He would hear nothing else from me. But do not you want him for your own? Would it not make you happier to have him? He thinks he is the only one who will accept you as you are.
[ A pause, and then Rafa moves to catch his jaw again, to bring his face around so that their eyes can meet. ]
On that front he is wrong. I want all that you are, and love all that you are. Never doubt that, no matter what he says.
If you consider that he's really only factoring in our world then he's not wrong at all. And that's fine really. I'm aware that he will always be there. It's always been something of a comfort in it's own fashion, I suppose.
[Something Lestat takes for granted. Just knowing that Armand is always there. When the world falls apart he knows Armand will be there waiting still.
He hums in thought, tilting his head to welcome the kisses before looking into Rafa's eyes again.]
But I know that here Ignacio and you apply to this as well. Though to answer your question, I've never considered whether or not I would be happier to have him. The thought simply has never crossed my mind.
He's not denying everything the way Armand had. He at least acknowledges the feeling between them, to some extent. Yet even in this, Rafa begins to think that he is ignorant too; ignorant of how much he relies upon the other vampire, of how much happier they both might be if they were together.
He chews his lip, and then touches Lestat's face. His thumb runs gently over his cheekbone, and his eyes turn warm. ]
My sweet prince. Don't you think that you should? You love each other. If there is a chance it might make you both happier to be together, don't you owe it to yourself to give that some thought, at least?
[But he smiles at the thought. Leaning down, he presses a kiss to his temple. His lips might feel cool but the feeling behind it has nothing but warmth to it. Warmth and love.]
I will give it consideration. I can promise this.
[Looking down into Rafa's beautiful eyes, he laughs softly.]
He's really beautiful though, isn't he. You know him so you can answer this.
[ Rafa smiles. He's apparently satisfied by that answer, and he tilts his head up to kiss Lestat's lips in response. He wraps his arms around him, perfectly comfortable, and he sighs. ]
I am invested in you, my prince.
[ He nudges at his jaw, and then laughs at the question of Armand's beauty. He looks up with mischief in your eyes. ]
He is…adequate, I suppose. [ He supposes. ] He's not as beautiful as you. But I suppose you are allowed to think otherwise. It is not as though you can make love to yourself, after all.
[The assessment of Armand makes him laugh. Right before he puts some serious thought into that other statement.]
You know, I think would very much enjoy making love to myself. I am so very beautiful. Even my physical flaws are nothing more than perfections to be seen in another light.
[It's a good thing you love him, Rafa. Because he's so vain...]
[ Rafa laughs too. He honestly should have expected that, and reaches up to kiss Lestat's cheek because of it. He's gloriously vain. ]
You would say that.
I suppose your clone might be agreeable. I should look him up, perhaps, I am sure he's highly rated. Mine is.
[ He says that with a little grin. Rafa is rarely vain, but that had pleased him; number five, it had been, and that was at the start before others had gone of the air. He wonders what those numbers are like now. ]
[ He pats Lestat's shoulders, and slides out from under him. Padding across the room, he locates his discarded jacket, snags the device from its inner pocket and comes back to the bed, already thumbing through videos. Sitting back up, he pushes his hair away from his face and finally finds his own clone's channel. Spinning the device around, he shows Lestat.
The man on screen looks exactly like Rafa, right down to the submissive mark on his neck. He's also as naked as the real Rafa. The angle of the film is taken from the eyes of whatever anonymous man is currently getting his cock sucked. Said cock is huge, and the clone's throat bulges from it as he swallows it down. The clone's eyes are half-lidded and his tongue is working hard. This obviously isn't the first show of the day, since the clone's face is already streaked with someone else's pleasure. Rafa leans back on the pillows. ]
We all have one. They tend to display...an exaggeration of certain traits we may not like about ourselves. If you find yours, and admit on camera your greatest flaws, the feed stops. Let it continue, and it earns you coin.
[Color him intrigued. He lets Rafa get up then watches as he gets his device. Leaning close, he looks at the screen to see the Rafa clone on the screen having the time of his life.
Blue eyes go wide but there is no horror to be found in his expression.]
Why would anyone want this to stop? Look at how beautiful this is.
[Taking the device now, he looks at it closely and laughs. He doesn't give a damn about the coin of course. That's easy for him to get. But this? This?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Opening his eyes, he looks over at him, curious to know what he could ask about his books. The possibilities start rolling through his mind in lists until finally he stops when he hears what the actual question is.
Why is he not with Armand?
That's not at all what he's been expecting to hear and the surprise shows on his face as he shifts to be able to look at Rafa more easily.]
Now where did such a question come from? What brought about this curiosity?
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Is this going to be easier than talking to Armand? He really doubts it, considering how many centuries they've apparently played this game with each other. ]
You love him.
[ He says it simply, and without asking if it's true because he knows that it is. ]
Yet you are not with him, not at home, and not here in this place. Even though he loves you as well, and told me so himself.
So why? With me you held nothing back, yet with him...
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[It's said so simply. Like it's the most obvious fact in the world. Then again, why wouldn't it be to Lestat who has lived this for a couple of centuries now?]
Really I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him, much like when I fell for you. However, you have always been true to yourself.
[Lestat actually shrugs in the most human was possible and then shifts so he can rest one of his arms behind his head.]
Perhaps if I ever saw him not trying to figure out what act to wear around me to get my attention I'd change my mind.
[It's not the kindest thing to say but really Lestat is only rarely a kind person.]
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He'd said almost the same thing to Armand himself. Lestat had never rejected him, he just didn't want to tell him who he should be.
He smiles, and presses a kiss against his chest. ]
He thinks you do not love him.
[ More than that. He's absolutely convinced about it. Frustratingly so. ]
In fact he thinks you are not interested, even though you talk about him all the time in those books. I think he is acting because he does not know what you want, and does not think that he would be enough. I think he does not value himself very much.
[ Rafa knows something of how that feels. If he were a kinder person, he would want to help Armand because he empathises with him, because he recognises some of those insecurities within himself.
Instead he wants to help Lestat, because being with Armand would make him happy, and Rafa wants to see him happy.
He turns his head, letting him catch a better hit of the scent rising from Lestat's skin. A strong part of him is afraid that he will lose these moments if he pushes Lestat towards Armand. He tries not to think about it. That Lestat has what he wants is more important than that. ]
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Do I mention him that often? How interesting.
[He's truly never noticed. He writes what he feels and apparently what he's been feeling involves Armand. Fascinating.
But he just pulls Rafa to be more on top of him, arms wrapping around him as he does. A smile curls those devilishly pouty lips as he cocks his head to the side a bit.]
Of course Armand doesn't. I think the only one who thinks all the world is against on a grander scale is Louis. At least Armand can appreciate things. But he also gets so lost in thinking that the universe is out to destroy everything good for him. I imagine he'd laugh in that bitter way of his if you were to tell him I love him.
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He loves those lips. Only minutes ago they were on his body, and he is imagining them there again. He reaches up to run his fingers through part of Lestat's hair, playing with it. ]
When you are lonely, or afraid, or angry, you often think of him. Even when you know your attention should be elsewhere.
[ He looks up with half a smile. ]
Yet somehow he has read these words and is convinced all the same. I did tell him. I asked him why he was not with you, and his answer was that you do not want him. He thought me a foolish romantic.
[ He sighs, and curls his fingers around Lestat's hair. ]
I want you to have everything that you want. Tell him how you feel, show him it is true, and he'll never leave you. I know it.
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And if he does have me then what will you do? Will you release me to him?
[Which won't happen. Armand knows him well enough by now that he'd be aware Lestat loves too freely and too many. He would never simply leave Rafa and Ignacio.
But somehow...he has a feeling that Rafa isn't aware of this fact. And he wants to confirm to him what the truth of this matter is before the continue on with this little adventure into the world involving Armand.]
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I will do what makes you happy.
[ He says, carefully. No expectations, no requirements. What he wants doesn't matter. ]
If that means being only with him, then I will still want you to be happy, my love.
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[That's all he'll say at the moment. He wants that answer before he continues on.]
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Ignacio has a tendency to push him for that, too, even when he tries to avoid it. It's hard to do that when the question is so direct.
He sighs, and says quietly: ]
I want you. I want you to love me, and stay with me.
[ He looks up again, finally, meeting Lestat's eyes. ]
But that does not matter. I love you. What makes you happy is most important.
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And yet, that's all he does. He just looks down at his pretty lover.]
Oh do stop that. I am the Brat Prince and I demand that I have all that I desire. Even if Armand and I were to finally come together he would have to live with the fact that I refuse to give you or Ignacio up. Because I am in love with you both. So it does matter, you pretty fool. It matters to me that you want me and will cling to me to keep me.
[He leans down and playfully nips at his lips.]
That is what will make me happy.
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It's rare that anyone gives him that sort of affirmation. Comparatively rare, anyway. Ignacio has been very clear about his feelings here. Before him, Rafa was alone for more than two hundred years. Relationships burned out quickly, and the person that he does love most of all does not return it. He wasn't used to being wanted in a serious way, not at home. Not before this place brought him Ignacio.
And now Lestat, which beggars belief. How could there be two who feel that way?
At first he doesn't know what to say. Then he closes his eyes and presses up to turn that nip into a kiss, an insistent one.
Cling to me, he'd said. Keep me.
Rafa moves his other hand up around Lestat's neck and pulls him close. ]
I want you every day. You know I do. Everything you do delights me. Everything that I read in those books. You are all that I thought you were and more, you are perfect.
And I am yours, already. If you want both of us, all of us, everyone, then that is what you should have.
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That's better. I adore hearing what you want and desire. Perhaps you will never be as greedy as I am but the tastes I get are delicious in such a delightful way.
[Lifting his head, he looks down at him again, pushing his fingers through that dark hair.]
Now, tell me more about this talk with Armand. I want to hear about it.
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He looks up, humming with pleasure, and then he smiles. He chases Lestat's lips with his own kisses, trailing them along his jaw and up to his ear. He tugs at it with his teeth and then falls back, hair splaying over the pillow. ]
I am greedy enough to want. Receiving is less common. Or it was, before Ignacio, and you.
[ He turns his head to kiss Lestat's wrist. ]
I asked him why he did not love you, when you loved him so much. He did not believe that you did; he thought your words were mockery, and he takes the times you have insulted him to heart, believing only that and not the rest.
Do you know this as well?
[ He moves his hand to Lestat's cheek, setting it against his jaw and running his thumb along it. ]
You know more than he did, at least.
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[So yes. Clearly Lestat knows about that little habit of Armand's.]
I know because Armand has a habit of following and watching without seeing. I personally like to think that I'm open to many truths. Oh I may hate a good deal of them but at least I really see them.
[Lestat sighs, starting to trace the lines of Rafa's face.]
He'll likely think I'm mocking him yet again should I ever actually decide to make him mine. All because I apparently ruined his life even if I personally think I improved it.
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You mean because you decried that awful cult?
[ He remembers. The thought of it had horrified him. Imagine living in a graveyard, especially one that smells as bad as Les Innocents. Rafa knows that smell. All of Paris had carried some hint of it, and that was bad enough without actually going into the place. Lestat had done them all a favour.
Turning his face, he presses kisses to Lestat's neck, running them along his throat. ]
He is convinced you have rejected him. He would hear nothing else from me. But do not you want him for your own? Would it not make you happier to have him? He thinks he is the only one who will accept you as you are.
[ A pause, and then Rafa moves to catch his jaw again, to bring his face around so that their eyes can meet. ]
On that front he is wrong. I want all that you are, and love all that you are. Never doubt that, no matter what he says.
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[Something Lestat takes for granted. Just knowing that Armand is always there. When the world falls apart he knows Armand will be there waiting still.
He hums in thought, tilting his head to welcome the kisses before looking into Rafa's eyes again.]
But I know that here Ignacio and you apply to this as well. Though to answer your question, I've never considered whether or not I would be happier to have him. The thought simply has never crossed my mind.
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He's not denying everything the way Armand had. He at least acknowledges the feeling between them, to some extent. Yet even in this, Rafa begins to think that he is ignorant too; ignorant of how much he relies upon the other vampire, of how much happier they both might be if they were together.
He chews his lip, and then touches Lestat's face. His thumb runs gently over his cheekbone, and his eyes turn warm. ]
My sweet prince. Don't you think that you should? You love each other. If there is a chance it might make you both happier to be together, don't you owe it to yourself to give that some thought, at least?
[ He smiles, and kisses Lestat's cheek. ]
For your own satisfaction, if not for his.
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[But he smiles at the thought. Leaning down, he presses a kiss to his temple. His lips might feel cool but the feeling behind it has nothing but warmth to it. Warmth and love.]
I will give it consideration. I can promise this.
[Looking down into Rafa's beautiful eyes, he laughs softly.]
He's really beautiful though, isn't he. You know him so you can answer this.
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I am invested in you, my prince.
[ He nudges at his jaw, and then laughs at the question of Armand's beauty. He looks up with mischief in your eyes. ]
He is…adequate, I suppose. [ He supposes. ] He's not as beautiful as you. But I suppose you are allowed to think otherwise. It is not as though you can make love to yourself, after all.
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You know, I think would very much enjoy making love to myself. I am so very beautiful. Even my physical flaws are nothing more than perfections to be seen in another light.
[It's a good thing you love him, Rafa. Because he's so vain...]
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You would say that.
I suppose your clone might be agreeable. I should look him up, perhaps, I am sure he's highly rated. Mine is.
[ He says that with a little grin. Rafa is rarely vain, but that had pleased him; number five, it had been, and that was at the start before others had gone of the air. He wonders what those numbers are like now. ]
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My clone?
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You don't know? Let me up.
[ He pats Lestat's shoulders, and slides out from under him. Padding across the room, he locates his discarded jacket, snags the device from its inner pocket and comes back to the bed, already thumbing through videos. Sitting back up, he pushes his hair away from his face and finally finds his own clone's channel. Spinning the device around, he shows Lestat.
The man on screen looks exactly like Rafa, right down to the submissive mark on his neck. He's also as naked as the real Rafa. The angle of the film is taken from the eyes of whatever anonymous man is currently getting his cock sucked. Said cock is huge, and the clone's throat bulges from it as he swallows it down. The clone's eyes are half-lidded and his tongue is working hard. This obviously isn't the first show of the day, since the clone's face is already streaked with someone else's pleasure. Rafa leans back on the pillows. ]
We all have one. They tend to display...an exaggeration of certain traits we may not like about ourselves. If you find yours, and admit on camera your greatest flaws, the feed stops. Let it continue, and it earns you coin.
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Blue eyes go wide but there is no horror to be found in his expression.]
Why would anyone want this to stop? Look at how beautiful this is.
[Taking the device now, he looks at it closely and laughs. He doesn't give a damn about the coin of course. That's easy for him to get. But this? This?]
And there is one of me? You are certain?
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